It’s been a few years since my last post about divorce and my journey into becoming a single mother. I focused on my kids and myself and eventually, a career in business administrative accounting with a local company. Fast foward to now, I am remarried, a stay at home mother again, and a mother to 5 beautiful children. Here’s my journey through the years navigating hardships, heartbreak, and finally a healthy marriage and home. This is a written personal experience with the intention of self expression.
It Starts with a Step
When I began my divorce, I was devastated as most are during a time like that. Whatever the circumstances are, it’s painful for all parties involved in different ways. But, it’s still okay to go through it. I had to come to navigate a long term relationship ending, a friendship, my motherhood journey taking a sudden shift, the family dynamic shift, and the general way of life changing as it does throughout life. I learned much about myself, and learned even more about how to be a balanced parent. I managed to stay financially afloat with state assistance and working as a grocery delivery shopper for Instacart. I highly recommend this as a way to increase cash flow for all parents. I was in control of how many orders I took on (workload), how much distance I wanted to travel (flexibility to stay close to home), and could easily work around my children’s nap schedules, school schedule, and keep my children fed while on the go with easy stops at home to play, rest, and eat of course.
A Monkey Wrench
Fast forward a few years, a move, court battles, medical battles, and more, my ex and I were living together again… while also still going through a divorce. We did our best to co-parent and co-habitate with a house my father purchased and also resided in for our family to have a roof over our head. However, with both of us not working and still being the default for the children, the financial strain again creeped up. My father sat us down and explained he would have to sell the house unless he got $X amount of money per month to cover the cost of more than just him living in the home. So I went to work. I began part time as an accounting assistant and within a month also became a part time receptionist for the same company. Now that I was working full time, the strain of child rearing at home again began to creep in. The strain of being the sole financial earner and still default for the children made co-habitation strained to say the least. I pressed for him to move out and he pressed for a signature on a dotted line. Eventually, I got the children into daycare in April of 2023 and began to focus on my career. I went from being part time in one position, to two positions a month later, and within six months I was the full time accounting assistant as well as the trainer for new hires. In less than a year, I took over the accounting department as the accounting administrator and had accumulated $5 in raises from my date of hire to my date of resignation. With state assistance and working overtime every week, I was able to help my father stay afloat with bills enough to keep our home. My ex moved out finally about six months after the children began daycare and things began to become strained but also calmer for everyone.
Trial and a Second Chance
My divorce took longer to finalize than the marriage actually lasted if you can believe it. We began in October of 2021 and our trial didn’t take place until December of 2023. With that said, it was hard for both parties as well as the children for it to go on for so long. With everything finalized in January of 2024, I decided I would give one last chance to dating. I had dated only twice since ending my marriage in September 2021, both were lessons of the heart I won’t bore you with. February of 2024, a figure of the past came into my DMs on Facebook. I knew it was going to be something different with him, but I was cautious. We quickly caught up from the years it had been since high school and bonded over being parents and having similar heartbreaks with my first marriage and his long term relationship both ending suddenly and having children involved. Right away we both made the intention clear that we were too old for games and guessing. He made his intentions clear the first time he took me out to dinner, he invited all the kids to go too and to their favorite restaurant. I was timid to say yes for the sole fact of the cost for going out but he insisted on taking us like a gentleman and covered everything. He was so patient with my kids who didn’t have much experience going to restaurants with being so young and having been part of the COVID era. They were a bit rambunctious, but no more than kids usually are. They asked him lots of questions and loved listening about what he does for work. We had a movie night next, where even grandpa was invited 🙂 we were inseparable. While we didn’t have any overnights at first, he came to see us after work and made time for his son. We had the best routine while dating, he would work, I was working, and while he got to be with his son for a bit in the evening, I was busy doing bedtime with my children and keeping with routines. He would come over after the kids were in bed and stay up late just to have dinner with me even if it was 9pm at night by the time we finished cooking together. Three weeks into dating, he gave me a promise ring. A promise to never leave any of us and a promise to always keep choosing us. Six weeks into dating, we married on April 2, 2024. Our journey into marriage came quickly into it’s next milestone with a little baby on the way.
Newlyweds and Soon to Be Parents
Our journey into marriage was smooth in some ways and rocky in others. We learned lessons together and a lot on our own. We navigated all the changes at first, financially, physically, etc. At this point, my now husband had been providing for my children and I while I was also working so that I wasn’t so stressed on paying my bills as we kept them separate until after we married. When we married, daycare became a big expense, it became unreasonable for me to work and pay for it as well as the children kept getting sick. Thankfully my job allowed me to bring my sick kid to work since I had a private office so I could be Dr. Mom and Miss Business at the same time. Then I lost a family member. Then another a month later. And another a month after that. The grief was bearable but it was heavy. Eventually, I chose my health and my family over my career because my husband supported me either way. I became a stay at home mother again in May of 2024 and we found out we were expecting in June 2024. We were ecstatic! The pregnancy and new marriage life was a navigation where we have come out into our second year of marriage strong, and focused on family.
Building Our Bond
Everyday is a choice. I’m grateful to have my husband by my side as I still continue private battles in my life. I have watched my husband continue to grow, change, recover, and persevere through things that would break most men. Everyday I watch that man go to work for our family and sacrifice himself in ways I am just not built to do, I am so proud of him for that. What we have is something that cannot be found, cannot be happened upon, and cannot be broken. His commitment to our family has always pushed him through and his strength gives me strength. I will love him until my last day and I am so blessed to be the mother and step mother I am today because of him.
